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Problem Solved

‘Problem solved’
This is a drawing of a shop where you buy answers and solutions
You enter at the top right - Follow the writing on the walls and Exit with your answer bottom left!
There is an illustrated Guide Book complete with examples if you need it

“We hold all knowledge known to Mankind in our Archives
Therefore we can provide you with:-
All solutions to all problems”

Try it..........

Tel: 353 404 40708
Fax 353 404 49855
Email: nielsenanna@mac.com
Web: www.annanielsen.com

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Title:- Problem Solved

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All the words below are contained in the Guide Book which accompanies each print

Problem Solved
There are only three kinds of problems.
i) Those to which we know the solution.
ii) Those to which we know the solution but it’s a bit more complicated than that.
iii) Those to which we have no solution yet.

We hold all knowledge known to Mankind in our Archives.
Therefore we can provide you with:-
All solutions to all problems.

There are only three kinds of solutions.
i) Those which have been used before.
ii) Those which are completely new.
iii) Those we are still seeking.

Original drawing and text by
Anna Nielsen
©
Please note this booklet is continually being up dated and there may be some discrepancies and minor errors please request an more exact version when next you call to our premises or email nielsenanna@mac.com
If you have any queries please use same email address.

 

Prologue
The basic problems of life remain the same.
It is the solutions which change as the number of options increase.
Finding the right option for you, is sometimes the real problem.
Therefore....
Life is not a problem,
Life is a solution.
In trying to solve our problems we can all benefit from mankind’s knowledge.
You do not have to understand how a motor car works. You only need to know how to use it.


This drawing is only meant to be a humorous look at life from an odd angle.
..........but remember to
always look on the bright side of Life.....

Very Important Notes:
Please note that I, the author of this manual, do not have in my head all knowledge known to mankind. The decisions I have had to make with regard to the code your problem will be given or whether an answer is known or not known, in the following examples, is based only on my personal knowledge. I.e. Very limited.
Any error will of course be found immediately, either at Reception, as your Problem is entered into the Computer System or during Analysis.
It will not affect the solution, only where you might be sent to wait for it! Sorry in advance!
Please note this booklet is currently being up dated and there are still some discrepancies and minor errors. Please request a more correct version when next you call to our premises or by email at nielsenanna@mac.com

 

USING OUR SERVICE
Probably the simplest way to explain this facility is for you to take a problem through to it’s solution.
These examples are to be read in conjunction with the drawing of our building,
which is to be found in the back of this guide.
Please read all the notices on the walls as you go along
and follow the instructions given on the walls and signs.

Example (I) This example will explain how the system works and how you will always get the solution.
If your problem is:-
"I would like to know the Lotto
winning numbers for the draw at the weekend”.
Then the solution is found this way:-
You enter the building at the top right corner and
start by reading and following the wall notices:

Please read and follow the first notice written on the wall:-
We offer only solutions. If you want Reasons or Explanations please go next door to number 42.
(Likewise if you need information about Methodology, Sustainability, Plausibility or the logistics of implementation etc. then also please go next door to Number 42.)

Please read and follow the second notice written on the wall:-
There are only three kinds of problems.
i) Those to which we know the solution.
ii) Those to which we know the solution but it’s a bit more complicated than that.
iii) Those to which we have no solution yet.
The difference between these three types of problems is found in Example (VI) page 8.

Please read and follow the third notice written on the wall:-
Please Proceed to Reception.
Register your problem.
Collect your Registration Code.
Please ask for an Information manual at Reception.
Walk to Waiting Areas.
You then join the queue toward the reception desk and when it is your turn, you register your problem.

Again you read the instructions on the wall:-
Your Waiting area is determined by your code.
AK Area A - Answer known.
AKB Area B - Answer known but.....
ANKY Area C - Answer not known yet - imminent.
ANKY Go home - Answer not known yet - uncertain.
Example VI, on page 8, explains the difference between AK, AKB and an ANKY.
You will be given a coded registration receipt. It will have a number and a letter code. (AK, AKB or ANKY) Yours in this case will have the letters ANKY because the numbers of the winning ticket is not known yet. There is a specified time span, imminent since the draw takes place on Saturday.
You then follow the wall signs, which will lead you to Waiting Area C.
Here you may choose to wait in Waiting Area C. ( It is similar to Waiting Area A) Since you have to wait overnight we can supply you with a bed. You may choose to stay in a bed, in a large room full of beds or you may rent a private room. Or you may wish to go home and wait until your answer is ready. In any case you will be informed as soon as your answer is ready.
You must now await your answer.
The interesting part is what happens to your PROBLEM!
At reception your problem is placed in a trolley which a Trolley Walker will push towards the Analysis Block. (By the way, there is a small group of Japanese tourists with a Tour Guide, photographing the efficient running of our facility, as your problem is pushed past!) Anyway, the Trolley Walker will push the trolley up the right hand side of the ramp, onto the Analysis Block. Your problem will then be fed into the chute marked ANKY.
Here the Analyser tries to solve your problem by analysing it even further. It is still unable to determine the solution to your problem. It will now send your problem to be broken down into even smaller pieces.
It will be pushed up the next ramp and be fed through The Crusher and then The Mincer. Here it is broken down into all it's component parts and eventually it falls into another trolley. This Trolley is pushed by a Trolley Walker on to the Think Rooms.
A little of your problem is then fed into each of these five rooms in hope of finding a solution.
The Think Rooms ( Page 27) are:-
Serendipity, where all matters of Chance and Luck etc. are decided. This is where your solution is most likely be found. ( Page 26)
Think Tank, where individual brains will try their best to find it. ( Page 27-28)
Technology Room, where they will use computers to try to solve it. ( Page 27)
Chemistry Room, where they will use Science in all it’s diversity to look for your solution.
( Page 19)
The Brainstorming Room, where groups of people will discuss your problem looking for a solution. ( Page 18)
Eventually the small shutters at the front of the Serendipity Room will open up and the solution will be given to a Floor Walker. He brings it to Registration of New Answers. It does not need testing because it is a straightforward result.
From Registration of New Answers it is sent to the Archives and is now part of the knowledge of all mankind.
Your Floor Walker will walk to the archives counter and request the solution. Here he will be given a peg with pages containing the important numbers.
He puts the peg on the conveyor belt and it is sent to Packaging.
Here it will be packaged into the format you requested i.e. The numbers which win the Lotto.
The Package is sent down the slide to the Solutions section.
Your number and letter code will appear on the Notice Boards as being ready to collect. If you are asleep or at home, you will be contacted and told your solution is ready. You will be asked to collect it.
Unfortunately, as I am sure you have realised, the solution can only be ready AFTER the numbers have been drawn. Serendipity did find the answer, but it is too late for you to win anything. Remember, your problem was registered as:- “I would like to know the Lotto winning numbers for the draw at the weekend”
If you want to win the Lotto you have to register a specific request:-”I would like to win the Lotto” as your Problem. See Example II, please

Example (II) This example deals with obvious solutions.
If your problem is:- “I would like to win the Lotto this weekend.”
then it would have been much simpler.
At Reception you would have been told that your answer is coded AK. This is because this solution is well know. A message would immediately be sent to The Notice Boards and they would estimate the time delay before your solution would be ready to collect. They would enter this estimated delay on the Notice Board in Waiting Area A. You would follow the signs to Waiting area A. As soon as you arrive, you would see your receipt code and number up on the notice board, status probably marked ready.
You might have a short wait and then you would have your answers.
Your PROBLEM would have been taken in a trolley by a Trolley Walker from reception, past the Japanese tourists. Up the right hand side ramp to Analysis, then be fed down the AK chute. It would land on a table below. It would be collected, probably with a lot of other known answer pages, and be brought to Compilation by a Floor Walker. Your page would be entered into the computer there, it would be compiled as it was printed out. Your two solution requests would be held by a small peg and another Floor Walker would then bring it straight to the Archives Counter.
Here the requests would be selected from the drawers in the archives.
They would be handed over to your Floor Walker, again held by a small peg. He would put it on the conveyor belt. It would travel round the conveyor belt and be packaged by a Packer. The Packer would then send it down the slide to the collections area. Here you would be waiting, and you would pay for it and take it away.
In case you are in doubt, your solution is twofold. What follows would be the words making up the two parts of your solution:-
One way to win the Lotto this weekend is, to be the luckiest and win by chance, with the right numbers on your ticket.
OR
The other way to be sure to win is to buy a ticket with each and all of the possible combinations of all the numbers. So that no matter which combination comes up - you have a ticket with that combination - The cost would be huge.
Other similar examples:-
In each case you will always have two chances to win:-
A Raffle:-
a) You have to be lucky and win by being randomly selected.
b) To be sure to win a raffle you must be the person holding all the tickets.
A Race:-
a) You have to be the best and lucky.
b) To be sure to win a race you have to be the only runner.
If you want to know which fly will reach the top of the window pane first then that answer is similar.
You will know when one of them does, or, one or both may fly away in which case the solution is “Neither“ . The code would be ANKY - imminent, because I think the life span of a fly is quite short. The decision would be found in Serendipity. The cost would be minimal.

EXAMPLE (III) This example explains how if a solution is not possible, the problem just changes.
If Your problem is:- That you went looking for your solution only to find that none had been found yet. In this case Mankind is still seeking a solution to your problem and you will be sent to wait while it is being found. This then becomes the problem for you. Your new problem is:- How to cope with knowing that there is no solution yet. This is a very common problem indeed.
For example:- When you have a headache, you take a pill and get better. Before the pill was invented, you would have had to cope with the headache. You would have to learn to cope with an unsolvable problem or wait until it went away.
When you go to registration, your new problem, of coping with it, would be coded AK. Your request would need to be very specific because this is a very large and quickly changing area of knowledge. You would be asked to fill in a Personal
Details Form before proceeding to your designated Waiting area A.
Your problem would follow the same route as in Example (II)

EXAMPLE (IV) This example explains that although we might have the same problems, our successful solutions can and usually are, very different.
“My problem is:- I want to be rich” This is an unbelievably widely scoped request. It would comprise all successful attempts to become rich known to mankind! It would take you years just to read it all, if you did not narrow the scope of your request.
You would therefore be asked at reception to fill in a Personal Details Form (PDF) which would reduce the options by removing the ones which would be of no use to you.

For example the solution requests may leave out the option of; "Marrying the Boss’s daughter", If you are happily married, with 15 children, 75 years of age, living in Iceland and also a female! Likewise, there is no need to suggest collecting rare and valuable spiders, as a way to become rich, if you suffer from arachnophobia!
The obvious details of age, sex and domicile are on the PDF, but so also are your personal preferences, likes and dislikes and your colour, creed etc. In fact, it looks for any information which you think may make the request personal to you alone. This makes your request more likely to be successful in finding an answer which will work for you. It also makes the printout less in number thus reducing your cost.
When you have filled in the PDF form, your problem will be registered as AKB, because the answer is known. There are millions of successful ways for someone like you to become rich, stored in the Archives. Some are straight forward, but the vast majority will be a bit more complicated than that!
You would be given your coded receipt and sent to Waiting
Area B. I suggest Lunch in the Balcony Restaurant while you
wait, it will take quite some time to compile your solution.
Your problem would be taken in a trolley by a Trolley Walker from reception, past the Japanese tourists, up the right hand side ramp to Analysis. It would be fed down the AKB chute. It would be analysed using all the information on your PDF form to reduce the number of options requested. Always be aware that the archives hold an astounding amount of information. You might be surprised by the cost of your printout. Of course , we do not charge for the information itself, only the service of locating it. We do also charge you for the printout.
The solution requests then land in a trolley or several trolleys. They are taken from here straight to Compilation by a Trolley Walker or Walkers.
Here your solution requests will be compiled.
It will probably take several trolleys to bring them on to Archives. Your Trolley Walker or Walkers would be sent to the Heavy Good Dispatch Section of the Archives Counter to collect your solutions, because of the large amount.
At the solutions counter you will pay and they will also be able to tell you here what the approximate size of your solution will be, so that you can arrange for it’s collection. You will definitely need a car and in this case probably by truck.
They will be sent as printouts straight to Dispatch.
You will see your code on the Notice boards and be sent to Heavy Goods Dispatch Area, which is found in the Car Park at the back, beside the Cafeteria. You will then collect your solutions. You can drive right up to the counter and they will load it in for you.

EXAMPLE (V) This example explains that although an answer is well known, it can be improbable.
If your problem is “How to achieve World Peace” The solution is known. It is something along the lines of:- Give every man, woman and child in the world exactly what they want! This is the solution but..... It’s a bit more complicated than that. Your coded receipt will include the letters AKB.
Your Problem will take the same route as described in example (IV) but since there can be no reduction in the scope of your request and since in order to ‘achieve’ World Peace, you will need to know what will make every individual on earth content with his or her lot in life. I suggest. you personally, do not try this. The cost would be immense.
The sheer size of the problem may lead you to understand why this problem has never been successfully tackled. It may also explain why the localised approach, is the one being used by most Governments and why the word 'Compromise' is so vital in attaining it.
This drawing would give the solution as possible but improbable because although the solution is known it has never been successfully tried............................yet. However it may one day happen, all by itself.

EXAMPLE (VI) This example explains the difference between AK, AKB and an ANKY
If you went in to a shoe shop and asked for a pair of size 42 shoes the salesman or woman might say “No problem” and get the shoes from the store room. The solution was known. (AK)
If you were to ask for a pair of size 65 shoes he/she might say “I am sorry we do not have that size in stock, so it’s a bit more complicated than that - but I can order them” The solution was known but complicated. (AKB)
If you were to ask for a pair of shoes that would grow with your feet so that you would never have to buy another pair of shoes ever again. He or She might say:- “I am sorry but such a pair of shoes have not been invented yet” The solution was not known yet. (ANKY)This analogy can be applied to fit absolutely any business, not just a Shoe shop because there are only three kinds of problems:-
i) Those to which we know the solution.
ii) Those to which we know the solution but it’s
a bit more complicated than that.
iii) Those to which we have no solution yet.

If you went into a Craft Gallery and asked for a starsign print by Anna Nielsen. The sales person might say “No problem” and show you 12 to choose from.
The solution was known. (AK)
If you were to ask for 2500 prints by Anna Nielsen. He or she might say “I am sorry we do not that many in stock, so it’s a bit more complicated than that, but I can order them” The solution was known but complicated. (AKB)
If you were to ask for an exciting novel written by Anna Nielsen. He/she might say. “I am sorry but such a novel has not been written yet.....
The solution was not known yet... (ANKY)

If you went into a Builders Supplier Retail Outlet and asked for a bale of 2” x 2’x 4’ solid wall insulation. Alan might say “No problem” and get the insulation brought from the store room. The solution was known. (AK)
If you were to ask for 700 bales of 2” x 2’x 4’ solid wall insulation. Alan might say “I am sorry we do not have that many in stock, so it’s a bit more complicated than that, but I can order them”
The solution was known but complicated. (AKB)
If you were to ask for one sheet of 2” solid wall insulation which would wrap itself around your entire house, leaving clear all the opes, Alan might say “I am sorry but such a product has not been invented yet!
The solution was not known ...yet. (ANKY)

If you went into a Travel Agent and asked for 2 nights bed and breakfast, two persons sharing, in Doolin, County Clare. The sales person might say “No problem” and sell you the holiday. The solution was known. (AK)
If you were to ask for self catering holidays in central Roscommon for 650 tourists - The same sales person might say “It’s a bit more complicated than that - I do not have that many immediately to hand but I can find them for you” The solution was known but complicated - (AKB)
If you were to ask for a round trip to Mars the reply would be “I am sorry but such a holiday has not been made possible.... yet!
The solution was not known ...yet. (ANKY)
and so on and so on......

Example (VII) This example lets you try it out for yourself.
If your problem is ‘Will it rain on me in the next hour?’
Your coded registration receipt might be number 47 ANKY.
Now find your way to your designated Waiting Area.
See the end of this example for the answer*.
Now to trace your PROBLEM from reception to outside the main Exit.
Since all employees know the layout and procedures of our system there are no written instructions or signs along the way in this part of the building - You will need the following help:-
This is the route 47 ANKY would have followed:-
Your problem was entered into the Computer at Registration.
Deemed to be ANKY - (with specified time span) and given the next free available number - which happens to be 47.
It is placed into a Trolley.
Pushed by a Trolley Walker up the right hand side ramp of Analysis.
Dropped into the ANKY chute.
The Trolley Walker will then push the Trolley down the left hand side of the ramp and leave that Trolley in the nearest Trolley park.
He will then take the Trolley into which your problem has landed from the analysis chute.
The Trolley Walker would read the print out which read:- Analysis has determined that Serendipity is going to provide the answer to your problem since there are too many unknowns for any of the other Think Rooms to forecast the answer!
Your Trolley Walker would then drop your problem into the Serendipity Think Room. Here it would spend whatever time remained of the hour, from the time you registered your problem. It would be buffeted by mega-numerous outside elements as well as your own personal movements. It would be determined exactly where you were during your 60 minutes and whether it happened to have been raining on you, at any time within that hour.
When the hour was up the solution would be handed out the small shutters beside the door. A Floor Walker would take it to Registration Of New Answers. Here it becomes part of all knowledge known to Mankind. It would then be moved on to the Archives counter. The official solution would be given and a message is sent to the Notice Boards, of the imminent readiness of your solution. Your registration code would join the queue. Your number 47 ANKY, would be listed on the Notice Boards as ready for collection in due course, depending on how busy they are. The Floor Walker would then bring the solution from the Archives counter to the conveyor belt. It would move your solution to Packaging. Here it is packaged into the format you require and sent down the slide to Collections. Where it awaits you now!
If you were at home waiting or asleep in waiting area C, you would have been notified and told to proceed to Waiting Area A, as soon as your solution was recorded into the Archives.
Answer*:- Did you find your way through by your self? Are you waiting in Area C?

Example (VIII) This example explains that a combination of solutions and ‘Trial and error’ may be required for the given solution/s to work successfully.
If your problem is “I want my baby to sleep through the night!”
Here the answer is AKB. The solution is known, but a bit more complicated than that. Remember to be specific in filling out the PDF form at reception.
Parents of awake babies have entered lots of solutions into the Archives through the ages and it will be the variety of solutions which may confuse you. So be specific. The solution will be AKB.
Your Problem will take the same course as in example (IV) but if you are careful, it will not be enormous in size.

Example (IX) This explains how although the vast majority of all of mankind, since the beginning of time, has experienced this problem, it is still one of the most painful and difficult to solve. But there is hope!

If you have a broken heart. If the one you love has gone.
If you problem is 'How do I cope with the loss of the one I love'?
Here we can call on billions of individual people’s experiences. If you look at ‘WHERE page 14’ then you will see where the solutions are to be found. However, of all problems, this is one of the most often encountered and therefore has very many solutions under all these headings. So please be specific. This will reduce the size of the solutions printout.
The solution will be AKB. This request will take the same route as Example (IV) and you will have very many options to choose from. Perhaps, knowing that there have been millions of other people in the same situation as you, also looking for the right solution, might make it a little easier to survive, until you find yours. You might also be able to feel good about adding your experiences and your solution to those of all mankind, knowing that you may help the next person with a broken heart!

Example (X) In this example I choose to make the exception which proves the following rule:- We supply only solutions, no reasons or explanations.
When your problem is that you need a cure for disease, it is a very serious subject and should not be taken lightly. This drawing is only a light-hearted look at an everyday aspect of life, that of seeking help. Sometimes you will find the cure and sometimes no yet, but the positive always exceeds the negative, Mankind is a survivor.
There is no cure for the common cold, yet, but you can have a new heart put inside your body today....
There is a cure for certain cancers but for others there is no cure yet......
You can have your severed arm sewed back on to your torso....
Blind people can be made to see...
Lame people can be made to walk....and so on and so on...
The message is overwhelmingly positive and new discoveries are being made every day. There is an added bonus:- With communication technology as it is today, if there is a cure anywhere, the Archives will know about it immediately!
Remember to look for the solution early and be specific.
Medicine is a vast area of knowledge and all the different types of solutions will be here.
The route your problem will take can be very simple or very complicated.
Your problem may be split into several requests as the analysis continues.
Some Problems will be identified at Reception as AK's, others as AKB's, and still others as ANKY's.
There is no typical example and there are no hard and fast rules.
Your Problem will be AK if the cure is known and will follow the route of example (II.) Remember to look for the solution early and be specific.
Your Problem will be AKB if the cure is known but complicated. It will follow the route of example (IV). Remember to look for the solution early and be specific.
Your Problem will be ANKY if the cure is not known yet. Remember to look for the solution early and be specific and it will follow this route:-
At reception it will be placed in a trolley which a Trolley Walker will push to the Analysis Block. The Trolley Walker will push the trolley up the right hand side of the ramp to Analysis. It will feed your problem into the chute marked ANKY. Here the analyser tries to solve your problem by analysing it further.
If it is still unable to determine the solution to your problem, it sends your problem to the Think Rooms. It will go up the next ramp and first be fed through The Crusher and The Mincer. Here it is broken down into it's minutest component parts. It then falls into another trolley which is pushed by a Trolley Walker toward the Think Rooms. A little of your problem will be fed into each of the rooms in the hope of an answer.
The five Rooms are:-
Serendipity, where all matters of chance, Luck etc. are decided.
The Think Tank where individual brains will try their best.
The Technology Room where they will use computers to try to solve your problem.
The Chemistry room where they will use science.
Brainstorming Room, where groups of people will discuss your problem, looking for a solution.
Eventually one of the small shutters at the front of one of the rooms will open up. The solution request/s will be given to a Floor Walker who brings it to New Answer Testing to be tested and then if successful on to Registration of New Answers.
It is now in the Archives and is part of the knowledge of all mankind.
Your Floor Walker will request the answer at the Archives counter and will be given a peg with pages of the important solution or solutions.
The Floor Walker puts the peg on the conveyor belt and it is sent to Packaging, where it will be packaged in the format you requested. I.e. The cure to your specific disease.
It is then sent down the slide to the Solutions section and your number and letter code will appear on the Notice Boards. Even if you are asleep or at home, you will then be contacted and told your solution is ready and asked to collect it.
Unfortunately it may be today, tomorrow, next year or it may be quite some time before it is found. Nobody knows. But when it is found it will become part of the Archives and the next person who requests it will be told AK. Answer Known. So hang on in there! There was a time when all cures were unknown. It is only a matter of time before all cures are known.

Example (XI) In this example the intrinsic value of seeking a solution is explained.
If your problem is that you are lonely, sad, depressed or just feeling low and your life needs a lift. Be sure to look for a solution because knowing the options can go a long way towards success in tackling a problem . This is only a drawing, but the archive of all the knowledge of mankind does actually exist ( See WHERE*... page 14) and you can use any or all of it to improve the quality of your life. The Archives have examples of successful solutions provided by millions of people who felt just as you do now! Sometimes in looking for the solution your problem may even disappear. The solutions will be how others in your situation solved their problem/s.
At Reception you will be asked to fill in the PDF form and please be as specific as possible.
The solution to your problem is known but it’s a bit more complicated than that - so the code will be AKB.
Your problem would follow the same path as (IV).
You are not the first to look for this solution and you will not be the last to find it.

Example (XII) In this example I suggest some of the solutions you might expect when you go to look WHERE *.... page 31.
Also how those solutions would vary depending on how you phrased your request
This drawing will give the solution based on how you phrase your request in Reception.
To the problem "I have lost my keys, I want them" :-
It would be an AKB and the solutions will be twofold in type:-
a) Find them
or
b) Get another set of keys made
The permutations of a) will be mega-large in number! Since it must include each and every previous example of how keys were ever found throughout history. I advise you to be specific please.
These options would have been found under all the headings of WHERE*... page 31.
You might find your keys sooner by being careful how you define your problem.
If your problem is “I have lost my keys how might I find them.” The solution is probably known, but.... AKB.
Here is a selection from the archives of what categories keys have previously been found in:-
a) They are where you left them - if you could only remember.
b) Someone may have moved them - who?
c) They may have been moved by interaction with another object. I.e. A tennis ball may have hit them. Rain may have floated them away. The dog may have eaten them. Etc.........
d) Your keys are lost to you forever.
e) A combination of one or all or multiples of the above and others still un-thought of which would need to be registered as new.
If you go through all the options of what has happened to other lost keys (Including d) and e) as above) then one of them will most likely be what happened to yours.
These options would have been found under all the headings of WHERE*... page 31.
To the problem "I want my keys now!" :-
It would come out as ANKY with a definite time span and you would have to depend on Serendipity placing them in your immediate path, Technology developing a Time Machine and someone returning from the future with your keys, The Think tank finding a way for you to develop superhuman abilities and perhaps envisioning their location, teleporting them to your hand or reassembling molecules to make your own key between the time you enter your PROBLEM and the time your solution is ready for collection! Etc..... etc.....I do not know the full extent of the knowledge of mankind on this subject, as of this minute, but the possibilities here are probably more interesting than my suggestions!


EXAMPLE (XIII) This explains the meaning of life.
This drawing and this text is just a humorous look at life and how one might lead it.
If you enter ‘What is the meaning of life’ as your problem it will be deemed AKB....
There has been a lot written and recorded about the meaning of Life. Your solutions, when you get them will include all of these, you may want to adopt one of those, or, you may wish to register your own version at any time and it will have the same legitimacy as all the others, because having been alive, your opinion counts! That is the beauty of life.
Each problem is personal and each solution is specific only to the person who requests it, when based on the reason for wanting it. The solution may be ‘4’ but, to someone that may mean only 4 cent left in my purse to buy food for my child. To someone else that may mean how many million Euro do I have in the bank!

Likewise, there can be no single solution to the meaning of life.
For example:-
What happens at the end of life? We die and.......
Is there life after death? When you die you will know that there............
I believe that.......
What is the meaning of life? 42 or whatever you personally want it to be such as.........
Each of us is given life, what we do with our time is.......
My reason for living is..............

Each of these has an answer but you have to live life to find them. Each life has the right to define it’s own version of “The meaning of life”

We come full circle.

There are only three kinds of problems.
i) Those to which we know the solution.
ii) Those to which we know the solution but it’s a bit more complicated than that.
iii) Those to which we have no solution yet.

Where there are three kinds of problems.
There are also only three kinds of solutions:-
There are only three kinds of solutions.
i) Those which have been used before.
ii) Those which are completely new.
iii) Those we are still seeking.


I hope you enjoy the real life seeking of knowledge as much as I did designing this facility. This is only a drawing and it is all just a bit of fun, But - The knowledge of all mankind is out there for you to locate!
What follows is an alphabetical listing of all departments, methods of procedure, technical terms, senior employees and breakdown of how we operate.
There is an Index at the back.
Please note that all descriptions of location are made assuming you are standing directly outside the front doors facing the building.

ACCOUNTS
Mr. Keith Stern is our resident accountant. The Accounts Office is situated on the lower level between Waiting Areas A and C, to the left of the Collections Counter. There is no fee for the knowledge. There is a one-off fee for the service we provide in finding the particular bit you need! No matter what your problem is. Then we charge separately for printing and / or Packaging costs depending on the amount required.
The customer is responsible for the removal of all solutions over 1 ton, if they do not do so, within the one week time allowance, we send them the bill for disposing of it for them. After one week, if they are not collected they are disposed of.
We have Beds (100) and Private Bedrooms (50) which are charged out at an hourly rate.
The cafeteria and the Balcony Restaurant are run independently.

AK
It has a known solution (Answer Known)
All of the combined knowledge of mankind is stored in the Archives and is available to you there. If your solution is already a part of that knowledge and is one single solution. Then your letter code will be AK
see Example (ii)

AKB
It has a known solution but it’s a bit more complicated than that
(Answer Known But)
All of the combined knowledge of mankind is stored in the Archives and is available to you there but, if your solution requires a complicated combination of two or more single solutions. Then your letter code will be AKB
see Example (v)

ANKY
It has no known solution yet (Answer Not Known Yet)
There are three main types of solutions to ANKY’s:-
i) Those where the solution will be known at a specified time in the future.
Will it rain in the next 60 minutes?
Time will tell. Do not hang out the washing just in case. See Example (vii)
ii) Those where finding the solution will depend on the quantity and quality of those seek ing that solution.
It may be a very long time before we know why there is no colour named ‘relet’. Simply because nobody is looking for this particular solution. Whereas a cure for can cer or the common cold is a very long road to travel and yet is very likely to be found first. You get out of life what you put in.
iii) Those where the solution will depend on luck. Eureka!
Example - My having used ‘relet’ (root - a cross between red and scarlet) as an example - may prove to be the single vortex which actually provides a solution to a ridiculous fic titious problem,
see also Example (i) page

ANALYSIS
This is situated on the upper level directly in front of the main ‘In” doors and adjacent to the Compilation area. The Trolley Walkers arrive here with the problems from Reception.
They push the Trolleys up the right hand side of the ramp and feed it through one of the chutes:- There is one for AK’s - Four for AKB’s which are divided into square, triangular, round and multi-faceted depending on the type of problem. I.e. A round problem goes into a round hole and a square problem into a square hole etc... and on the far right, there is one large chute for ANKY’s. If the problem is too big to go into the chute it will be broken up into smaller pieces by the Trolley Walker.
The analyser will then analyse each problem as it goes through to try to find a solution. If it finds a solution it will or part solution it will match that part with it’s solution and mark the unsolved part as needing a solution. It will all come through the chutes out into waiting Trolleys as defined requests for solutions or ongoing problems. This may be as a single page solution or as a series of individual pages which together make up the solution or request to be sent to the Think Rooms.
Example where the solution is in the archives:- Problem:- I am alone, I have dirty clothes, I have an electricity supply and washing powder but I am allergic to water. How do I get my clothes clean quickly. P.S. I am too shy to go to the Washeteria?
The solution of course is a list of each and every component part of all washing machines ever invented by mankind and the instructions on how to assemble them all. The analyser has broken down the problem into component parts, then added your personal details into the equation and come up with a known solution:- A request for each of these component parts. (They will be Packaged later into a list of all manufactured washing machines or an actual washing machine)
Analysis made! Either AK or AKB.
After that the problem will proceed through the building. If there are more than one page it would go next to Compilation or, in the case of the request being a single page it would bypass Compilation and go straight on to the Archives counter, Top Secret or Patents Pending.
If the analyser is unable to identify each and all required elements as being already stored in the archives it will identify the problem as being ANKY and re-direct the Problem to the Crusher and the Mincer. From there to the Think Rooms for development of new answers.... and on through the building.
Example where there is no solution:- I need my clothes to wash themselves while I sleep and be ironed folded and lying on my bed. I live alone. The nearest person to me is 500km away. The only answer which was located , a mother or helpful other person, is not applicable because of living alone and remote. AK WALKER
An AK Walker is an employee who carries one solution AK’s straight from Analysis to the Archives counter, Top Secret or Patents Pending.
(This category comprises the vast majority of problems we receive.)

ARCHIVES
These are situated on the lower level and occupy almost that entire lower level.
It stretches from it’s right extremity as far as the Packaging department, as well as the lower level in front of Top Secret, Patents Pending,
Obfuscation Office, Accounts, Staff Toilets, Staff Lift and the Beds and Private Bedrooms and also behind Waiting Area A and the entrance to the Car Park on both sides of the main Exit.
In it is stored all knowledge known to mankind.
The information is fully computerised and is held on the latest paper thin info sheets. Instantaneously as an Info Sheet is selected and removed from the system it is re-generated by the continuously updating system.
We have recently installed the very latest self updating XX10 which updates not only the info sheets themselves, the reference codes on the outside of each drawer and the overall alphabetical sequence but has the ability to translate any single item of information into a sequence based on Time.
It is fronted on the left by a counter which has a short section facing toward Registration of New Answers and a long section facing the conveyor belt to Packaging.
It has a sub-section dealing with very large solutions. This is called Heavy Goods Dispatch and it lies to the right of the main counter. The Floor Walkers bring the requests for solutions to the archives counter and give it to one of the Archive Employees, who are very highly trained employees. They select the individual solutions from the vast number of drawers and present them either individually or held together by a peg to the Floor Walker who either brings it to Top Secret, Patents Pending or put them on the conveyor belt to Packaging.

AUDIO NOTICE BOARDS
If you have a problem reading the Notice Boards. Please ask for a head set with continuously updated read out of all the Notice Boards in all Areas of this building.

AVAILABLE NUMBER
In order that the numbers do not become unmanageably large and unable to fit onto your coded registration receipt during registration they are recycled as they become free.
As each numbered solution is collected or deemed an ‘Uncollected solution’ after a weeks repose under the slides in Collection department. It is then cleared of it’s previous letter code and put back into the system to be used again. This is usually done at the end of each day or 24 hour period as we work round the clock. People have problems at all times of the day and night.

BALCONY RESTAURANT
The Balcony Restaurant, which serves a superior a la Carte menu is situated conveniently on the mezzanine level directly above to the main Exit and the Car Park exit. This looks down on Waiting Area B’s Notice Boards, so you can keep an eye on your coded registration number, while you enjoy a meal, maybe a bottle of wine? It has a full wine license. Booking is strongly recommended.

BRAINSTORMING
This is part of the Think Rooms and is situated on the mezzanine level adjacent to New Answer Testing and Compilation areas. ANKY’s are first forced through the Crusher and the Mincer to ensure complete breakdown of the component parts of each problem. Those bits to which solutions already exist are removed and only the pure problem is sent on to be fed into the ‘Think Rooms’.
The ANKY’s are dropped into this room where the realm of Big Business rides high. The buzz words of today out date each other almost as fast as the pre-selection of next seasons inspiration background can change the face of fashion and the colour of our kitchens. This ensures that what we buy today will be out of date tomorrow. Thus requiring a replacement which will suffer the same fate next week, OK, I exaggerate a little. But in here are born the jointly achieved solutions appearing at great speed one after the other mostly in the world of big business but also scattered right across the spectrum of human need.

CAFETERIA
The Cafeteria is placed on the lower level at the rear of the Car Park adjacent to the Heavy Goods Dispatch, Stores and Deliveries. It has a “Full Irish Breakfast all day” a “Special roast of the day” and promises a fast turnover of customers. Children are welcome.

CAR PARK
The Car Park is almost totally situated below the building and runs under the entire facility with it’s entrance to the far right at the front of the building. It is free to all customers. It houses the entrances to the Stores and Delivery Departments as well as the Heavy Goods Dispatch, where collections too heavy to carry can be loaded directly into you Car, Van, Lorry or Truck/s. At the very back of the Car Park on the far right lies the Cafeteria. The exit from the Car Park is to the immediate right of the main Exit doors.

CHEMISTRY
This is part of the Think Rooms and is situated on the mezzanine
level adjacent to New Answer Testing and Compilation areas.
ANKY’s are first forced through the Crusher and the Mincer to ensure complete breakdown of the component parts of each problem. Those bits to which solutions already exist are removed and only the pure problem is sent on to be fed into the ‘Think Rooms’.
The ANKY’s are dropped into this room and the combination of different chemical forces have down through the ages produced amazing new and spectacular results which have changed man’s history perhaps more dramatically than many other inventions. One thinks of Gun powder and the Splitting of the Atom to name but two.
In here experiments are carried out on infinitesimally small and seemingly unimportant minutiae, laboriously repeated, checked and double checked, minutely changed and then tested again over sometimes years of tedious developmental stages and at other times serendipitous discoveries or instant sensational leaps of knowledge, all produced by the inhabitants of this or similar rooms, thus providing mankind with an untold wealth of information used to further study under an amazingly wide spectrum of subjects.
Although the chemical reaction being produced by the physically attracted couple at this moment in time seems to be making the earth move, well at least the walls, the chemistry they are making might result in more than sparks!

COLLECTIONS
This lies on the lower level directly facing Waiting areas A and adjacent to the Area B Notice Boards, near the main Exit. As the Notice Boards displays a solution as ready the Customers come to the Collections Counter to collect their solutions, pay and leave.
If the solution is very large the Notice Boards may send the customer straight to the Heavy Goods Collections at the far left of the counter and from there after paying, to the Heavy Goods Dispatch in the Car Park.
If the Notice boards show a solution as ready for collection and it is not collected immediately it may be stored under the slides for up to a week, after which it will be disposed of or if it exceeds 1 ton it will be required to be removed by the customer or at the customers expense.

COMPILATION
This is situated on the upper level adjacent to the Main ‘In’ doors and Analysis. This department processes all AK and AKB which have more than one solution or answer. The AK and AKB’s are brought straight from Analysis either as an individual page by a Floor Walker or a series of pages in a trolley entered into the compilation computer, which then prints them out already collated. They are secured by pegs
The Floor Walkers and Trolley Walkers (trolleys are left in the trolley park at the head of the stairs to the right of Compilation) then proceed past ‘Brainstorming’ and down two flights of stairs to the lower level.
They go past Registration Of New Answers and from there to the Archives counter. Here they are given the solution/s which they then place on the conveyor belt, unless it is marked either Top Secret, in which case they leave it in the Top Secret Office or if an application for the solution to be patented has been lodged they leave it in the Patents Pending Office.
In both cases a message will be sent to Computer Systems to direct the customer to the relevant Waiting Area and/or to notify them of it’s fate.
The customer may be sent to the Obfuscation Office if required.

COMPUTER SYSTEMS
These are responsible for:-
i) Storing, secondary recording and manipulation of all ‘Knowledge’ held in the Archives.
ii) Recording and manipulating all requests for solutions.
iii) Continually updating the Notice boards in Waiting Areas A,B and C.
iv) Generating new requests for solutions of problems previously in the ANKY category which have changed to AK’s or AKB’s following the registration of a new solu tions, and notifying customers of the change of code/s.
v) Contacting customers who have gone home to await their solution.
vi) Contacting customers if their solution has been diverted by Top Secret or Patents Pending and subsequently notify them when they eventually do become available, if ever.
vii) Keeping track of and paying, all personnel.
viii) Ordering of supplies and removal of waste.
ix) Cleaning staff and maintenance.
x) Ensuring the smooth running of the facility at all times.
xi) Accounts.

CRèCHE
The Crèche is situated on the upper level just inside the front entrance off the corridor on the right. It is adjacent to the disabled Toilets as well as the Baby Changing Facility.
We operate a comprehensive ‘Be nice to parents’ policy and there is also a small Coffee shop and a trolley and pram parking area across the hall.

CRUSHER
The Crusher (and the Mincer) are situated on the upper level between New Answer Testing and Reception. It is where the problems will be ground down even further into it’s minutest parts which make up each problem. All the parts which have a solution are separated and removed so that only the pure unsolved problem part remains to be fed to the Think Rooms. The crusher specialises in smitherining hard solids and the Mincer in mashing softer malleables.

EXIT through WAITING AREA B
The main Exit Doors are off Waiting Area B. There are emergency exits to both sides of the front and the rear of the building on all levels.

FLOOR WALKER
A Floor Walker is an employee who
moves AK, AKB and ANKY’s from one
place to another without a trolley.

GUIDED TOURS
We are very proud of this our new facility and Guided Tours to advertise our innovative business setup are run on a biweekly schedule.
To join one please apply on our web site.
Maximum group size 6 persons Cameras are allowed.
Audio translators are available in all languages and dialects,
since we have the knowledge in-house why not use it?
Plans of the facility and all aspects of it’s modus operandi
are also available on disc or as hard copy.

HEAVY GOODS DISPATCH
This department is situated on the lower level towards the back of the Car Park on the left.
If your solution is large your request will be sent to this section of the Archives counter and processed straight through to the collection point in the car park.
When your solution is ready and you have paid. The employee at the Collections counter will give you a triple Dispatch receipt.
The collections employee will keep the white page for his files. Give the blue page to the Dispatcher in the HGD. The pink page is for your records. You may drive your Car, Van, Lorry or Truck/s directly up to the Dispatch counter to collect your large Solution.

‘IN’ LOBBY
This area comprises or leads to:- A seating area just inside the front doors.
The Crèche, which is free, is just off this area on a corridor to be found, if you turn right inside the front doors and then right again. We operate a comprehensive ‘Be nice to parents’ policy. There is also a small coffee shop, a trolley and pram parking area. It has access to Toilets - Including wheelchair. It is totally Parent friendly. If you wish to acquire another copy of this manual go to Reception also in this area and ask for one.

LOST AND FOUND
This is situated on the lower level at the right hand side of the Collections Counter and currently we have a Purse, some Coins, a bag of large South African diamonds, a set of feet and someone has lost their heart.

MANAGERS OFFICE
The Managers office lies on the lower level in the Analysis Block beside the Compilation Department. Here lives ‘The Manager’ who keeps an eye on all employees, all the time.....

MINCER
The Mincer (and the Crusher) are situated on the upper level between New Answer Testing Area and Reception.
It is where the problems will be ground down even further into it’s minutest parts which make up each problem so that all those parts which have a solution, can be separated and only the pure unsolved problem part remains to be fed to the Think Rooms.
The Trolley Walkers push the trolleys up the ramp, sometimes in pairs, unload onto the feed belt of the Crusher then they turn the empty trolley right and down the ramp, turn left and left again and place their trolley under the Mincer mouth.
The problem mass having been crunched, flattened and dropped into the Mincer!
The crusher specialises in smitherining hard solids and the Mincer in mashing softer malleables.

NEW ANSWER TESTING
When a new answer has been found in the Think Rooms it is brought here. It is tested and proved true or untrue. If it is tested and found un-true it is
returned to the Think Rooms. If it is proved true it is brought to ‘Registration of New Answers’ where it is entered into the Archives as part of the knowledge of mankind and is also entered into the Computer System. This triggers all previous requests for the same solution. Those customers are contacted and their receipt numbers go up on the continually updated notice boards, as ready, in Waiting areas A,B and C. The relevant solutions requests are then generated in the reception area. A new Floor Walker is sent to deliver it/them directly to Archives or to stop off and wait for a compilation of a/the more complicated solution/s.
The requests are then brought to the Archives counter.
The solutions are collected from the Archives counter and are then either:-
a) Place on the conveyor belt.
b) If it is marked Top Secret they leave it in the Top Secret Office.
c) If an application for the solution to be patented has been lodged they leave it in the Patents Pending Office.
In both cases they will send a request to Computer Systems to direct the customer to the relevant Waiting Area and notify the customer of it’s fate. The customer may be sent to the Obfuscation Office if required.

NOTICE BOARDS
Notice Boards are in the Waiting Areas and show the following details:- The full registration code. The expected time delay before a solution will be ready. It’s current status. I.e. If it is ready or not. These are continually updated. Audio Notice Boards are available if you are unable to read the boards. Please ask for a head set with continuously updated read out of all Notice Boards.

OBFUSCATION
The Obfuscation Office is situated on the lower level between Waiting Areas A and C, in front of the Collections Counter. Some customers are sent from Collections to Obfuscation to see one of the three inmates there:-
DR SEAN PIN
Doctor. S Pin works in the obfuscation department.
His job is to deal mainly with political and commercial customers.
His job is self explanatory but “Pulling the wool over eyes” springs to mind.
MS SARAH POOF
Ms. S Poof works in the obfuscation department.
Her job is to exaggerate, convolute, invent and in general give the customer an unrealistic vision of her worth. Her function is not known exactly but rumor in the staff canteen has it that she spoofed her way in.
MR ANDY WAFFLER
Mr. A Waffler works in the obfuscation department.
His job is to expand at exceedingly great and laborious lengths on the subject or any and all possible spin-offs that he can think of to generally and without prejudice, woolify, muddle and or exasperate the customers with regard or not as the case may be about their or in fact anybody in the whole worlds problems.
He is mainly used to slow things down i.e. Lunch time when staff is a bit short - holidays - Sundays etc. For example see Drawing entitled “Life’s too short to be boring” 1996 Apendix*** page 35,36 and 37. The first 75 words tell the whole story, but the next 1244 expound on the same subject at great length. The message is of course:- Life’s too short to read it all!

PACKAGING
The Packaging Department is situated on the lower level between the Archives Counter and the Collections Counter and is surrounded by the conveyor belt.
Packaging is where solutions and answers are converted into the format originally requested by the customer :-
If the solution to the customers problem is ‘water’ then the customer expects one of the following:-
a) The chemical formula for water H2O.
b) Water.
If the solution to the customers problem is a washing machine then the customer expects one of the following:-
a) A list of all the component parts of a washing machine and the instructions as to how to assemble it or
b) A washing machine.
It is the function of Packaging to provide the answer in the format the customer requested.

PATENTS PENDING
This is situated on the lower level between the Top Secret Office and the corridor to the Staff lift and is directly opposite the short end of the Archives counter.
This is where inventions are sent to make their discovery the property of he or she who made it. The main scourge of this department is the exceedingly long time it takes to achieve it’s function.
We believe if ‘Our’ methods were adopted it would speed things up a bit. In the Staff Canteen we are currently giving our employees their “Awards of the month” and we have found that the ‘Clap on the back’ machine we installed recently has proved most effective. We have had to wait a long long time for it to be patented though.PERSONAL DETAILS FORM
The obvious details of age, sex and domicile are on the PDF, but so also are your personal preferences, likes and dislikes and your colour, creed etc. In fact any information you think may make the request personal to you alone and thereby more likely to be successful in locating your exact solution and in the least possible number of pages. This will be achieved by omitting those solutions which would be of no use to you.

PHOTOS of How this building was constructed
Here I enclose a few photographs of this building as it was constructed - from an empty site to the working building (Building = Drawing) See Appendix **** page

DR SEAN PIN
Employee working in the Obfuscation Office.

SARAH POOF
Employee working in the Obfuscation Office.

RECEPTION AREA
Reception is situated on the upper level directly in
front of the main ‘In’ doors.
Registration.
Here you register your problem. If your problem has a very wide scope you may be asked to fill in a form to narrow down your request. This form includes questions about:- Areas of personal interest, race creed etc. as well as the obvious name address, sex, age, current occupation......etc..
This is done to reduce the possible number of solutions to those which:-
a) Are physically possible for you personally.
b) Might appeal to you.
This will also reduce the cost to you of printing all the solutions.
Your problem will then be placed in a trolley and brought by a Trolley Walker for Analysis.
You, the Customer, will be given a Registration Coded Receipt -
The receipt will contain letters and numbers.
The letters will determine which Waiting area you need to go to:-
AK = Go to Waiting Area A.
AKB = Go to Waiting Area B.
ANKY = Go to Waiting Area C or go home.
The numbers on your Registration Coded Receipt will identify your solution on the Notice Boards.
Notice Boards in the Waiting Areas are continually updated and show the following:-
a) Full registration code (Numbers and letters) - (Example: 47 ANKY)
b) The expected time delay before your solution is expected to be ready.
c) Current status. I.e. If it is ready or not.
The option of going home to await your solution is mentioned if the time before your solution is expected to be ready is uncertain and is expected to be long term. Beds and Private Bedrooms are available in Area C. You will be notified as soon as your solution is ready whether you are in bed, bedrooms or at home.
Assistance
Audio Notice Boards, please ask for an continuous updated read out of all Notice Boards if you have a problem reading them.
Customer wheel chairs are available here in Reception.
Customer Lifts are situated just past Registration adjacent the Staff Canteen.
Guide dogs may choose to use the lift or the stairs.
Guided Tours to advertise our innovative business setup are run on a bi-weekly schedule. To join one of our free tours please apply on our web site.
Information manual can be collected at Reception.
Lift is attended 24 hours a day and their locations are well sign posted.
Medical Attendant’s Office is situated to the left of the customer Lift.
Reception customer assistant is available to all customers. Please ask.

REGISTRATION CODED RECEIPT
Your record of the letters and numbers your problem has been assigned. This is needed to collect your answer. It is your receipt which you must produce when paying. Example: 355 AK.


RECEPTION CUSTOMER ASSISTANT
A reception customer assistant is available to all customers who may need one to help them find their way from one area to the next. To help them get from one area to the next. If necessary they will stay with you until you leave the building.

REGISTRATION OF NEW ANSWERS
This is situated on the lower level directly below the Think Rooms and adjacent to the Archives and the Top Secret Office.
This is where all new solutions are registered and officially entered into the Archives.
If necessary these would have been successfully tested and found true before registration.
The Floor Walker would then continue to the Archives counter and be given the solution which they then would either place on the conveyor belt, unless it is marked either Top Secret in which case they leave it in the Top Secret Office. Or if an application for the solution to be patented has been lodged they would leave it in the Patents Pending Office. In both cases they will send a request to Computer Systems to direct the customer/s to the relevant Waiting Area and /or to notify the customer of it’s fate. The customer may be sent to an Obfuscation Office if required.
This department is currently under review since it is felt that the area is too small.
The stream of new solutions and information requiring to be registered has grown way beyond all expected projections.

SERENDIPITY
This is part of the ‘Think Rooms’ and is situated on the mezzanine level adjacent to New Answer Testing and the Compilation areas. ANKY’s are first forced through the Crusher and the Mincer to ensure complete breakdown of the component parts of each problem.
Those bits to which solutions already exist are removed and only the pure problem is sent on to be fed into the ‘Think Rooms’.
The Serendipity Room is where luck, chance, fate, co-incidence and any other serendipitous form of intervention takes place.
The majority of the work done by this room is determining the outcome of races, raffles, lotteries, competition, games etc.
This is an area where the outcome is frequently requested.
Serendipity awaits the outcome of the event and supplies the solution as soon as it is available.
”What are the winning numbers in this weekends Lotto draw?” The answer is always the same, ANKY, until after the draw, race or competition.
This also applies to any other problem where the outcome, is dependant on an un-foreseeable variety and number of unreliable factors, and is therefore a gamble. That is why it is exciting.
If we knew the answer before the start there would be nothing to gamble on.
The weather is another frequent customer here.
Everyone always wants to know what the weather is going to be!

SPECIFIED TIME SPAN
A specified time span is where the answer will, without fail be available at a specific time in the future. I.e. At the end of a race or after the draw in a raffle or at a specific time, day, month, year or decade. Etc.....

STAFF CATEEN
This is situated on the upper level just inside the main ‘In’ doors and is adjacent to reception. It offers subsidised meals and snacks to all employees.
It houses the Staff notice board where important events like the monthly ‘Employees of the month Awards’ are highlighted. Our invention the ‘Clap on the back’ machine was installed recently and has proved most effective.

KEITH STERN
He is the Manager of the Accounts Office. There is no fee for the Knowledge. We only charge for the printing of the solution and the service of finding it for you and you are responsible for removing it if it exceeds 1 ton. Since payment is made when each solution is collected at the Collections Counter, Mr. Stern has very little to do, usually only setting up installment plans for payment where the customer has failed to realise the extent of his or her request and found it massive.
Sometimes solutions require a truck to take it away and as well as resulting in a large bill. For explanation see Example (IV) page 6 .
(P.S. Keith always wanted to be an architect not an accountant anyway!)

TECHNOLOGY
This is part of the ‘Think Rooms’ and is situated on the mezzanine level adjacent to New Answer Testing and Compilation areas. ANKY’s are first forced through the Crusher and the Mincer to ensure complete breakdown of the component parts of each problem. Those bits to which solutions already exist are removed and only the pure problem is sent on to be fed into the ‘Think Rooms’. Here the electrical equipment is breaking new ground by the nanosecond allowing calculations and projections unimaginable to any modest abacus which in it’s heyday broke all speed barriers for making calculations.
The number of new solutions emanating from this room are only slowed down by their piecemeal disclosure, ensuring financial wealth to their backers.

THINK ROOMS
There are five Think Rooms:- Serendipity, Think Tank, Technology and Chemistry and Brainstorming. They lie on the mezzanine level adjacent to New Answer Testing and Compilation areas. Each room is inhabited by employee volunteers who really enjoy their work. See details on each Room for it’s specific functions. As each new answer is discovered and identified, the volunteers open the small shutters beside their door and deliver the new solution to a Floor Walker, who takes it to New Answers Testing, which lies further along to the right adjacent the Mincer. Here it is tested and found true or not true, or it is taken straight to Registration of new answers if no testing is required.

THINK TANK
This is part of the Think Rooms and is situated on the mezzanine level adjacent to New Answer Testing and Compilation area. ANKY’s are first forced through the Crusher and the Mincer to ensure complete breakdown of the component parts of each problem. Those bits to which solutions already exist are removed and only the pure problem is sent on to be fed into the ‘Think Rooms’. In here, where the volunteers are almost completely submerged in the contemplation of what the solution may be, it is usually the number and/or combination of thinkers in the tank which determine the quality and speed of the solutions. When a solution is found the plug has to pulled and the water emptied before the shutters can be opened and the solution is then handed to a Floor Walker who takes it either to New Answer Testing or straight to Registration of new answers.

TOILETS
The building has Toilets in the following locations:-
a) In the ‘In’ Lobby on the upper level.
b) At the Balcony Restaurant on the mezzanine level.
c) Off the Staff Canteen on the upper level.
d) In Waiting Area A beside the exit on the lower level.
e) Beside the staff lift on the lower level.
f) Off the Cafeteria in the Car Park on the lower level.
g) In the Managers Office on the lower level.
We are currently engaged in a campaign to reduce the amount of graffiti which appears regularly on the walls of our facility - The toilets in Waiting Area A beside the exit on the lower level are a particular black spot!

TOP SECRET
This section is situated on the lower level between the Registration of New Answers and the Patents Pending Office and is directly opposite the short end of the Archives counter. This is where information marked Top Secret is sent to be hidden and is mainly filled with concerns of a Political nature.
There is however a growing section which represents the knowledge Big Business pays to develop and then releases piecemeal to the buying public in order to maximise profits.

TROLLEY WALKER
A Trolley Walker is an employee who moves more than one AK, AKB and ANKY’s in a trolleys from one place to another within our facility.


UNCOLLECTED SOLUTIONS
Uncollected Solutions over 1 ton are required to be removed by the customer. Uncollected Solutions, under 1 ton, are stored for one week only. ANKY’s are also kept under the slides from Packaging to Collections until registration of the new answer has been tested, registered and saved to mainframe Memory Banks and to Written Records twice. After one week, if they are not collected they are disposed of. If the customer is responsible for the removal but does not do so, we send them the bill for disposing of it for them.
You can re-apply for the same solution again by submitting your Registration Receipt at Registration and if the number has not been re-used, you can go straight to Waiting Area A and wait or you can go through the whole process again, as before.
Once an uncollected solution has been deemed ‘Uncollected’ and disposed of, it’s code number will be made available for use again. This is to keep the physical size of numbers to a minimum.

ANDY WAFFLER
Employee working in the Obfuscation Office.
His job is to expand at exceedingly great and laborious lengths on the subject or any and all possible spin-offs that he can think of to generally and without prejudice, woolify, muddle and or exasperate the customers with regard or not as the case may be about their or in fact anybody in the whole worlds problems.
He is mainly used to slow things down i.e. Lunch time when staff is a bit short - holidays - Sundays etc. For example see Drawing entitled “Life’s too short to be boring” 1996 Apendix*** page 35,36 and 37. The first 75 words tell the whole story, but the next 1244 expound on the same subject at great length. The message is of course:- Life’s too short to read it all!

WAITING AREA A
This is situated on the lower level between the
main Exit and the Accounts and Obfuscation Offices. Please follow the signs from Reception. This is the short term Waiting Area. Registration coded receipt beginning with AK go directly here, AKB and ANKY’s only proceed to here, when your code appears on the Notice Boards or when you are notified of your solution being ready. For your convenience please note the following:-
There are Toilets in this area. The Cafeteria is placed on the lower level at the rear of the Car Park adjacent to the Heavy Goods Dispatch, Stores and Deliveries. It has a “Full Irish Breakfast all day” a “Special roast of the day” and ensures a fast turnover of customers. Children are welcome. The Balcony Restaurant is situated conveniently on the mezzanine level directly above to the main Exit and the Car Park exit which looks down on Waiting Area B’s Notice Boards.
From here you can keep an eye on your coded registration number while you enjoy a meal, maybe a bottle of wine? It has a full wine license. Booking is strongly advised.

WAITING AREA B
This is situated on the lower level between the main Exit and Notice Boards. For your convenience please note the following:- There are Toilets to the left and to the right of this area. Please follow the signs.
This is the medium term Waiting Area. Registration coded receipts beginning with AKB go directly here, only proceed to waiting area A when your code moves to that Notice Board please.
The Cafeteria is placed on the lower level at the rear of the Car Park adjacent to the Heavy Goods Dispatch, Stores and Deliveries. It has a “Full Irish Breakfast all day” a “Special roast of the day” and ensures a fast turnover of customers. Children are welcome.
The Balcony Restaurant is situated conveniently on the mezzanine level directly above to the main Exit and the Car Park exit. IT looks down on Waiting Area B’s Notice Boards. This is so you can keep an eye on your coded registration number while you enjoy a meal, maybe a bottle of wine? It has a full wine license. Booking is strongly advised.

WAITING AREA C
This is situated on the lower level adjacent to Waiting Area A, the Accounts and the Obfuscation Offices. Please follow the signs.
For your convenience please note the following:- Beds are available for overnight stays and we have 50 Bedrooms if you require privacy.
The Cafeteria is placed on the lower level at the rear of the Car Park adjacent to the Heavy Goods Dispatch, Stores and Deliveries.
It has a “Full Irish Breakfast all day” a “Special roast of the day” and ensures a fast turnover of customers.
Children are welcome.
The Balcony Restaurant is situated conveniently on the mezzanine level directly above to the main Exit and the Car Park exit.
This looks down on Waiting Area B’s Notice Boards.
This is so you can keep an eye on your coded registration number while you enjoy a meal, maybe a bottle of wine?
It has a full wine license.
Booking is strongly advised.

WHEELCHAIR ACCESS
This building and all it’s areas are fully wheelchair accessible.
Please request an assistant at reception, if you need one. WRITTEN RECORDS
These are kept in two separate buildings each housing the entire contents of the Archives to ensure against loss of knowledge. Knowledge not recorded is lost to mankind.Here endeth the alphabetical Section


WHERE TO LOOK
All knowledge known to Mankind is to be found in lots of different places but always from the same origin; Mankind. The locations in which you will find your solutions will be any one, several or all, of the main methods of communication we, mankind, use to store and share our knowledge today.
Man used to pass on information from one generation to the next by story telling and in songs, in cave drawings, by written words and on to books and so on. Today there are so many new methods of recoding information and all of them can be used in the search.Where to look for the answers:-
First came word of mouth. - Ask someone who knows.
Written words and printed Books. - Look in your own books, borrow a book or look in a Library.
Radio and Audio Arts. - Listen to the Radio, Tape, Record, CD...etc......
Telephone. - Call an expert.
The Visual Arts, TV and Films. - This area of recorded knowledge is enormous.
The Web or Internet. - Here an unimaginably large volume of knowledge is stored - all of which is accessible to all of us . See drawing The Web’ Appendix** on page 34.
Any other place where knowledge is stored. - Here again my knowledge is limited but if you know of any other places, please let me know, so that I can add them to the list.
The methods of communication and their sophistication have changed with the inventiveness of mankind and this list is ever growing. See also drawing ‘One mement in Time’ Appendix ** on page 33.


From whom
Since all our knowledge originated from one or more members of ‘Mankind’ the solutions to your problem will come from someone who has had your problem and found a solution. The a, being the important word because for each problem faced, there have been very, very many solutions. You alone will be able to choose the one solution which you want or maybe find your own new solution.


We have now come full circle.
There are only three kinds of problems.
i) Those to which we know the solution.
ii) Those to which we know the solution but it’s a bit more complicated than that.
iii) Those to which we have no solution yet.

Where there are three kinds of problems.
There are also only three kinds of solutions:-
There are only three kinds of solutions.
i) Those which have been used before.
ii) Those which are completely new.
iii) Those we are still seeking.

 

Epilogue
Now that you have come to the end of this manual I hope you will see it as it was meant:-
1) A funny drawing which gives us the answers we already know.
Winning the Lotto is a matter of luck otherwise it would not be a lottery.
You are not the first to experience your problem. You will not be the last.
2) I am sure you realise that you did not need to come to this building to find your solution, that all the information known to mankind is also available to you, any time, and always has been,
being as you are a part of “All Mankind”
Remember it is out there and You have every right to use all of it!
3) My hope is that you will perhaps make use of it
whenever you need an injection of positive thinking!
It might open your eyes to the magnitude of the ability of mankind to overcome
adversity.
There is a solution, if you look for it
and
Sometimes in looking for the solution your problem will disappear.

Appendix*
One moment in Time.....
Limited Edition - 1/500
2001

Appendix**
The Web
Limited Edition - 1/500
2003


Apendix***
“Life’s too short to be boring”
Limited Edition Print 1/500
1996

Positive thinking
Limited Edition - 1/500  
2001

I did it my way
Limited Edition - 1/500
2001

Do not give up
Exhibition Range
Limited Edition - 1/500
2001

Daddy
Exhibition Range
Limited Edition - 1/500
2002


I do not understand
Exhibition Range
Limited Edition - 1/500
2002

There has to be an answer
Exhibition Range
Limited Edition - 1/500
2002

Appendix ****
This is an excerpt from my first book “From ‘Life’ to the ‘Big Picture’” and it explains literally how each drawing is created
‘Technically how
The average adult body is 3cm tall - There are no thin people and no fat people. There is only one colour. A body has no clothes unless specifically required by the story line. When a person dies he or she becomes an outline, a memory, still there but in spirit only.

After ‘Life’ 1994 which was the first drawing to be printed I made a series of exploratory drawings to discover the limitations of the human body and my pens. ‘Mná na hEiréann’ 1994 is a map made up of female forms doing exercises, ‘Lips’ 1994 is a mouth of couples, Grey Lady tries out a larger scale and ‘The Four Seasons’ are trees, all four drawn entirely using only bodies, from babies to adults. ‘Maze’ 1994 however is special - I thought it would not be possible to depict straight lines using only bodies - or parallel lines or convex or concave right angles? Yet this small drawing, it’s size makes it even more difficult, manages all these - so as a vehicle for illustrating emotions, the human body has no technical limitations that I could find. I continued the development of the technique through the years and as the drawings are more or less in chronological order you can see the way the style has gradually changed.
The size of a first sketch can be anything. For example ‘Freedom’ was sketched full size almost complete, whereas ‘The Challenge’ was a tiny scribble about 75mm x 100mm and the first 8 ‘Jars’ were sketched on a single brown paper envelope! Which I still have.
Developing the idea is the next problem - deciding how to depict the components of what I am about to draw:- A good example of how I do it would be ‘Golf - The first 9’ 2002. I had to find a way of drawing nine golf holes, assuming that the average golf course is 7100 yards long, on paper 640mm x 420mm in size with no perspective! To depict 4 kinds of grass: Greens, Fairways, rough and deep rough, not to mention bunkers, shrubs, trees and water. In this case it took days and days just to define these by doing a series of sample drawings. Then research was required before inventing a golf course which has to have proportional holes - pars 3’s to par 4’s to par 5’s - as well as calculated yardages which also had to total standards - Then the water had to traverse the course, form a lake and must flow downhill, as we all know water does - Then design the bridges, flags and signage - All I had to do then was depict a batch of recognisable golfers, scatter them over the course - evenly - add hundreds of spectators and I was ready for the next stage:- Making the actual drawing combining all these bits, to scale, correctly on one large sheet of butter paper - (like grease proof paper but thinner) This is then corrected with overlays where I make mistakes and usually ends up looking like a patchwork quilt (Remember if you make a mistake with pen and ink you have to start again - you can not rub anything out) All details have to be fully resolved - because no adjustments are possible from now on.
Then this pencil drawing on butter paper is traced over with .2mm rapidograph pen - Pencil is rubbed all over the back - sometimes in sections because it is very messy - The butter paper is then laid over the drawing paper and every line is traced over with a sharp pencil - Leaving a lead imprint on the drawing paper below. The entire drawing is then redrawn in pencil on the drawing paper, from those imprints. Next - and this is the bit I really enjoy - each and every line is then traced over with pen (.2mm), this has to be done very slowly - very carefully - with no mistakes - Only the small segment being worked on is exposed, the rest is protected by thick paper because if you touch the drawing paper with your hand, ink will not adhere properly to that area and also after it has been inked in, it must be protected from dirt - When you come almost to the end of a very complicated drawing, it is almost frightening because any mistake now, can loose weeks of work!
The pencil lines are then rubbed out and finally all bodies are blacked in (.35mm-.6mm) and all features are completed. Then all that is left are the words - Which when composed are hand written onto the drawing paper in pen - and this is very difficult - one tiny slip of the pen - one misspelling - one sneeze and you have to start again - It sometimes takes two or three attempts!
The drawing is then brought to Paul who makes a ‘film’ of it - which goes to the printer who first makes a plate and then prints the edition run - which has to dry for two days - then the print is trimmed and the words separated and I then check, title, sign and number them all.

 

 

 

All images and all words on this site are copyright to Anna Nielsen